I've Got to Go
by umpcai
Summary: Dean and Rory realize their love was never meant to last.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gilmore Girls. The song Gotta Go My Own Way is by Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron.

**I've Got to Go**

_I gotta say what's on my mind  
Something about us  
doesn't seem right these days  
life keeps getting in the way  
Whenever we try, somehow the plan  
is always rearranged  
It's so hard to say  
But I've gotta do what's best for me  
You'll be ok._

Dean inwardly sighed as he carried in the bags of old, bruised food none of the customers at Doose's wanted. Setting them down in front of his girlfriend, he wondered why the only time he and Rory could meet was during his twenty minute lunch break in the storage room of Stars Hollow's only grocery store. When they were kids, and their relationship was new, they were together constantly. Nothing was able to prevent them from seeing, or at the very least talking to each other, every day. Even if it was just a quick walk to the bus stop where she caught a ride to Hartford, they still had time for each other.

Or maybe it was that they _made_ time for each other back then. Now, though, it seemed their top priorities never included each other. Rory had her classes at Yale, dinner obligations with her grandparents, her work with the newspaper, and time to spend with her mother and college friends and, also, Lane. Dean, on the other hand, while not currently attending school, did have two jobs with long hours to hold down, and he had friends of his own and a family to spend time with, too.

But, then, Chilton had been demanding on Rory, as well. Her grandparents had insisted on Friday Night dinners throughout high school, also. And Lane and Lorelai had always been important to the brunette nineteen year old. And Dean had loved to spend time with his family, even his sometimes annoying little sister, Clara, and friends when he and Rory were younger, too. And he'd been working at Doose's back then.

So, why now, when they had gotten past all the issues that had arisen with her interest in Jess, and when they had ruined his marriage, even if he'd never been all that committed to it to begin with, did they not spend much time together? When Rory had fallen for Luke's nephew, Dean's heart had broken. He'd longed every day for another chance, for her to just fall back into love with him, so that they could be happy again. It hadn't come, so he'd half-heartedly embarked on married life with Lindsey, and while he did deeply care for her, and still regretted the way he had hurt her, she had never been able to compare to Rory in his eyes. Why weren't he and Rory as happy, then, as he remembered them once being, even after they'd overcome all those obstacles in order to be together?_  
I've go to move on and be who I am  
I just don't belong here  
I hope you understand  
We might find our place in this  
world someday  
But at least for now  
I gotta go my own away._

"I just know that I read it and I was interested."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Dean regretted them. _Liar, _his mind screamed. As if the whole conversation hadn't been awkward enough, he'd had to go and tell her a lie he knew she was easily able to see through. But she just nodded and changed the subject. Unwilling to confront him about it, she'd let it drop. But, he knew it must have hurt her. Her writing was very important to her. So was his opinion. But he'd lied.

It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to read the story. Everything of hers he'd read in the past had been good, even if he didn't completely understand some of the topics. He'd been swamped recently, though. He'd picked up a couple extra hours working for Tom, and Taylor always loaded him up on work. He'd wanted to read her newest article, had planned to, had even looked forward to it. He just hadn't had a chance yet.

Why didn't he tell her that? She would have understood; he was sure. And yet… she'd never had a need for a job. The only two she'd had had lasted for a week and a couple days respectively. Rory came from family money. And though she hadn't had access to any of it, until her grandparents paid for Chilton, because of her mother's pride and fear of manipulation or hurt by the elder Gilmores, it had still always been there, in case her mother and her had needed it.

Was he really ashamed? He worked hard for the money he needed for his livelihood and Rory had never flaunted anything- not even her grades, and Dean knew she certainly had every right to. But, he was embarrassed to tell her that he hadn't read her paper because he'd needed to work.

He'd never been afraid to share anything with Rory before. He'd also always made it a point to read the things she wanted him to, no matter his schedule, Dean realized. When had he become so selfish? When had he started to fear being himself around her?

When had she? Instead of pursuing the matter of his lie, Rory had chosen to ignore it to avoid an argument? Sure, fighting wasn't a good thing, but honesty definitely was. After what happened with their triangle with Jess, he would have thought she'd feel inclined to have nothing but honesty in their revived relationship. He'd have thought he would insist on it.

But, he had told her a lie. And she had let him.

_  
Don't wanna leave it all behind  
But I get my hopes up  
and I watch them fall every time  
Another color turns to grey  
and it's just too hard to watch it all  
slowly fade away  
I'm leaving today 'cause I've  
gotta do what's best for me  
you'll be ok._

Leaning against his truck, Dean absently stared at the Gilmore mansion. Was Rory having fun in there? Without him? He winced at the thought. It hurt that he even had to question their relationship like that. She had told him it would be boring, that she'd be waiting impatiently for him to pick her up for their date. The whole party was just a favor for her grandma and grandpa.

Her mom had sheltered Rory from the 'affairs of the rich and snobby', as Lorelai herself would have dubbed them. She'd always run away from them as a child and couldn't fathom that her daughter would want to run toward them. However, Dean was there during Rory's party at sixteen, when she'd officially come out to society. He'd seen the light in her eyes, even as she laughed with her mother about several parts of it. It wasn't a light of mocking. It was one of happiness. She had enjoyed that night, that kind of life.

Now, she was back in there, inside that huge house, with those high society people, probably having a great time. Meanwhile, he was in the chilly night air, staring at his watch as the minutes ticked away. Their time to meet had come and gone. Still, time wore on.

_  
I've got to move on and be who I am  
I just don't belong here  
I hope you understand  
We might find our place in this  
world someday  
But at least for now  
I gotta go my own away  
_  
The front door swung open and Dean's girlfriend stepped out, a trail of men following her, all laughing loudly. He blinked back tears, refusing to cry as the truth suddenly overwhelmed him.

He listened to her apologizing for her tardiness, but couldn't hear her. He looked at her, angry, but more heartbroken. "Rory, what am I doing here?"

"You're picking me up."

"I don't belong here. Not anymore," he paused, a strange mixture of pleading and acceptance on his face. He knew she agreed, but he still wanted her to tell him he had it all wrong.

_You know I never wanted to hurt you_

Rory stared into his eyes, wanting to say so much. She wanted to apologize. She'd never meant to make him unhappy- not with loving Jess, not with breaking up his marriage, not with breaking his heart more times than she wanted to count. She wanted to say that she loved him; she had since she was sixteen. She wanted to reassure him that he did belong; he belonged anywhere she was. She opened her mouth, but no words crossed her lips.

_We might find our place in this  
world someday  
but at least for now_

"Do I?" Dean asked. He'd finally realized their problem, or finally faced it anyway. The reason honesty was no longer important, the reason for the awkward pauses and uncomfortable conversations, the reason they'd had a total of one date in a month and only five phone calls when they actually talked (answering machines and voicemail didn't count) in the same amount of time, and the reason everything was so… wrong, when it should've been so right. They just didn't fit together anymore. They'd grown up and grown apart. They'd clung to a love neither could fully feel anymore. They would always love each other. You couldn't forget your first love. But, they weren't _in _love anymore. They'd tried to recapture their childhood, when both had gotten scared of the big, bad adult world. Life didn't work that way, though. Maybe at sixteen they were perfect for each other, but, in the real world, they just weren't meant to be.

For a split second, when he'd almost begged her to reply, with his eyes and then with his words, hoping for a negative answer, Dean had experienced a fleeting hope that they would find a way somehow, someday.

Then, she'd hesitated. And he knew he'd been right.

_I want you to stay_

A thousand thoughts swam through Rory's head. _No,_ her mind yelled. _He's leaving again. Stop him. Don't let him go this time. _At last Rory was able to speak. She only said one word. "Dean."

That was all she allowed herself to say, because she knew he was right. She didn't want to let him go; she wanted to grab him and cling to him forever. She wanted him to be _the one_. She was so desperately scared of life. Dean kept her safe. He protected her from the world. He was always there no matter how much she hurt him. She wanted to always have him in her life. But, she didn't _need_ him, even if she'd spent months trying to convince them both otherwise.

He didn't belong in her world, not anymore. It hurt more than anything she'd ever experienced in her short life, that realization. It was the truth, though. She was afraid of not being able to succeed, but she knew she could. Her mother, her grandparents, her mostly absent father… Dean- they all believed she could do it. Yet, she'd still held on to the past, to him, afraid to let go and grow up, not believing in everyone else's faith in her.

Now, it was time to. She loved Dean Forrester with all her heart. But, she had fallen _out_ of _love_ with him, long before she'd wanted to. She just had to accept it now.

With a last compliment on her appearance, Dean entered his truck and drove off, only glancing back once.  
_  
I've got to move on and be who I am_

**The End**


End file.
